It’s been a while since I have posted. It’s been a while since I have written. It’s been a while since I have felt, for lack of a better word, capable.
But I am lucky. I have a slew of people who believe in me. I have friends who are constantly encouraging and gently reminding me that I should get back to the proverbial table, that I have something to offer.
Some of my setbacks include a lack of time (who doesn't struggle with this?), lack of education (specifically devoted to writing), and lack of direction (but if you build it, won’t they come?). I've been reminded recently of three important facts. First, that sometimes the things I write will suck, but recognizing what sucks and what has potential means that I am progressing. Second, that writing is for me, and no one else. I am more stable and grounded when I take time to create. And Third, that I have a unique perspective, if only because it is mine alone and no one else’s, and that is reason enough to share it.
Even though I have been slacking there are a couple of ways in which I have not been failing. I joined a writing group. I get together once a month with a few new and dear friends. We share what we have written, we come up with prompts for next time, we drink wine and talk about life. It is hardest to grow when you are working at it alone. The perspectives of these ladies along with their own unique and personal work is encouraging and rewarding. I am lucky to be audience of their inner most thoughts and fortunate that mine are safe with them.
I have also been reading, selectively choosing authors with perspectives I admire and words that challenge. These works range from old poetry, to newer novels, to the blogs of friends. I must say the work I am most spurred on by are the authors who write about writing. The ones who remind me that it is a process, that their works did not unfold overnight, and that they, like me, had to start somewhere. I was lucky enough to travel with one such writer and friend who has a lovely blog that can be found here.
My last area of focus that has helped spur me on is the life I live every day. I have been working hard to listen to what it is people are saying when they speak and when they are silent. I have been traveling far and wide to witness different ways of life and to see the beauty we are lucky to be surrounded by. I have been making big decisions like who to date and who not to date, what car to buy and which shop to trust to fix it, what foods to put in my body and how often a week can I logistically expect myself to work out, should I wake up to an alarm in the morning or let myself sleep until my eyes open on their own. Every day holds countless decisions and every action holds at least one reaction. I am trying to be aware of them. I am trying to be aware of my life as it passes me by, this is tricky because life can be quick.
I don’t always succeed at what I attempt to do and I don’t always make the best decisions. I am not always the slowest to speak and sometimes the only thing to eat is pizza. In everything there is a grain of grace. In everything we can find the atoms that create our one and only life. It is so sweet to put it into words. It is sweeter still to have seen it in the first place.