Thursday, March 28, 2013

Jet Setter

3 days, 3 cities, 3 days "off". Most days it takes a full minute after waking to realize my current identity. Where am I? What role am I playing today? Friend? Sister? Flight attendant? Polite stranger? Exhausted ghost? Teacher? It has been a month since I have slept in the same bed twice in a row. Last time I was "home" I repacked and got right into bed where I slept for 4 1/2 hours before getting up, showering and heading to work. This morning I flew in, showered, changed, brushed my teeth, and headed down town to get brunch with my two year old boyfriend and his family. This moment, in which I am sitting at a coffee shop, drinking a soy latte for here and attempting to read, is the first moment I have had to myself with nothing and no one pressing for my time and my attention in about a month. No wonder I napped all weekend. My identity changes every day as my role changes. Today I choose to be adventurous ghost, tonight I will be roommate, and tomorrow I will be responsible flight attendant getting ready for work. I have seen friends recently I haven't seen in 3 plus years, quite a few identity shifts ago. Instead of feeling completely nomadic and homeless, I feel like I have multiple homes in various locations. The sky is my home and so is every where it takes me. And I am the same every where I go, but that doesn't mean my identity there is unchanged. With so many homes I feel the roots of my identity getting shallower as they are each pulled by one another. I belong everywhere and so I don't solely belong anywhere. I am my own identity. And I am thankful for so many couches all around the world! Written 3/19/13

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

A Return

The soft glow of the city reaches me on the 9th floor of my hotel room. Even the twinkly lights seem to be shining brighter in this moment as I realize another dream has come true. Alaska in the winter and Alaska unexplored. Oh Alaska, my first real love and my first real break up. It was this time a year ago I was reeling from the realization that I would no longer be returning there to live as I had been, but needed to move on to other ventures. Honest and true heart break. And here I am, in Anchorage, in winter, wandering, for I am a wanderer. The lights shine brighter and my heart glows stronger. In this moment I feel alive as though I am really living and in this moment I love my dear family and friends deeply as though I am truly loving them and I am missing them strongly as though I am truly separated from them. Truth is I also feel connected with them as though they were inside my soul living my life with me, sitting in this hotel with me, listening to Ben Howard with me, and grinning like a school girl with me as we gaze in awe and excitement at the slowly fading outlines of majestic mountains, dreaming of what other adventures they hold for us. written 2/24/13